A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realises the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
I told this at a club meeting last night and one of the female members retorted quite snippily, "And where would man be if woman hadn't been created?" So I told her, "In the garden of Eden!"
An old man was sitting on his front porch in Kentucky watching the sunrise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a **** willow." Old man says "I'll get my hat."
An irsh man was in a pub and he got very drunk. So he stumbled outside and passed out on the grass. Two women walk past him one leans over to her friends and whispers: "I wonder what is under an irish man's kilt." So they tip toe over and lift his kilt. He was wearing nothing at all they. Filled with giggles, one whispered: "How should we tell him we saw this beauty?" In reply the other girl pulls a blue ribbon from her hair and ties it under his kilt. They leave and a few hours later he wakes up and has to go, so he lifts his kilt and spots the blue ribbon and he says: "I dont know where you've been or what you've been doing but at least you won fist prize."
Hemorrhoid Exam After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a hemorrhoid exam by the National Health Service a guy decides to have the next exam while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating. As he lay naked on his side on the examining table and the nurse began the exam, the nurse said, " Don't worry, at this stage of the exam it's quite normal to get an erection." "I don't have an erection." the man replied. "No, but I have," replied the nurse.
Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe. Anyone need an ark built? I Noah guy. This thread died out.
