Build Thread 1978 Fairmont. I bet somebody back home’s thinkin’…I wonder why he don’t write..?

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If I didn’t see the wooden box in there, I’d think this was a late April fools joke!
Will you still be Cruising the Coast in the revised version?
Good luck with the new plans!

No,...drag car now..I’ll be letting it sit in the garage all week waiting on the weekend so that I can go out and try to blow it the fck up.
I called him out on the joke, and this was his reply. I’m thinking he’s gone nuts, and is actually serious!
 
Well, the first few parts for the changeover are slotted to arrive today. I got some additional necessary pieces part from Summit last night as well. I don’t think I’ll post any pics of “backwards progress” while I’m going through this though, and I can’t say when “ going forward” will start happening again, but I hope its sooner than later. considering that I’m down to about one day a week to actually work on the car, i’m not too optimistic about that though.

Who knows, this isnt the first time I’ve started down the path filled with informational misrepresentation. I only hope that once I get going again, everything will start making more sense.
 
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Man,...if i didn’t live through these last couple of days, I wouldn’t believe this story myself.

Once I had my plywood intercooler “ Big Woody” complete, I sent it off to a finishing shop to get it looking as good as it could. I ordinarily don’t pray, but for some reason a couple of nights ago, I felt compelled to do so. It’s my normal stuff though, something like “I hope to Christ this thing works”. I prayed that my wooden intercooler would work as well as a “real live one” would. The next day I packed it up, and sent it off, optimistic that it would come back to me looking great. Just to be sure that he would stay good and tight, I sent an extra measure of security with him..a little thingy that i nicknamed Jiminy Ratchet..

Unbeknownst to me at that time while it was there, Big Woody went astray, led to the dark side by a bunch of really “bad dude” types..A bunch a hoodlum thugs from some street gang called the A2A Cooley Boys. And try as he may, it seemed that Jiminy ratchet couldn’t tighten up big woody enough to keep him on the straight and narrow.
Despite the warnings from JR, he ran away.....Fortunately Jiminy Ratchet had managed by some weird quirk to get himself thrown into a spare parts bag on the truck that Big Woody had hopped into...hoping somehow, someway, he could turn Big Woody’s nuts tight enough to get him back in line.

Quickly things didn’t turn out the way Big Woody had been led to believe, he was forced to perform in some seedy freak show intercooler carnival, Turnin’ tricks cooling off all kinds of blower jobs, at his lowest point, even forced to intercool a flaming hot pink Honda Civic. One day, he catches a break, and With the help of Jiminy Ratchet, they managed to unbolt the locker door that Big Woody was being held captive in.
Barely getting out, They ran away for their lives with The A2A Cooley boys in hot pursuit, Luckily they manage to elude them by hiding in a dumpster. And there they stayed for what seemed like forever.

After Big Woody didn’t come back from the finishing shop, I had to go looking for him. Without a tracking number, or any shred of evidence to even know where to search, I went out day after day looking for my big woody.

I’d yell out “ Big Woody, Big Woody! Has anybody seen my Big Woody?....It seemed that everybody I asked offered no help...most just gave me a disgusted look and quickly walked the other way. One guy even punched me when I asked his wife if she had seen my Big Woody....What was I to do?..I needed my Big Woody.

While making my city wide search one day, I heard the faint sound of steel pounding on steel....a distinct series of short taps, followed by long solid pounds.....I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but it sounded like Morse code...The closer I got, the more I was able to make out the distinct pattern of dots and dashes.....It was an S.O.S.....A call for help. Jiminy Ratchet was pounding out a distress signal on the inside wall of that dumpster with his ratchet head. I climbed up and looked down in,...I couldn’t see them for all the trash, but I could hear them down there... So I jumped in. I found them while diving into that dumpster, and found both of them near death at the bottom of that dumpster. All I knew was that I had to get these two back to the safety of my garage, But it was tougher than anticipated, there are no places inside a dumpster to grab ahold of, and with my Big Woody in one hand, and Jiminy Ratchet in my back pocket, trying to climb out was almost impossible.
And if all of that wasn’t already bad enough,...Just when it looked like I might be able to save all of us,..... We were all eaten by a giant garbage truck.
With a great racket,The beast lifted the dumpster like it was nothing, and tipped it upside down. We tumbled out of the dumpster, along with a sht ton of other garbage, and into the garbage truck,..the things giant jaws just eating up everything that got dumped into it.

I figured we were fcked for sure,....I felt like all was lost.
And to think,.....I was sooo close. If only I coulda stuffed Big Woody into my pants like I did Jiminy Ratchet,...but he was just too damn big.

Let me tell you boys,.....It was dark inside that beast, it smelled like holy hell, and me an Jiminy Ratchet, and Big Woody were cold, and wet, ( covered in some slimy funk that was sloshing around in the bottom of that great steel monster. Big woody was getting all soft and flaccid due to the cold water he had been constantly immersed in, And Jiminy Ratchet was starting to show serious signs of the onset of advanced Oxidation).

Things went from bad to worse, as every time that thing would open its mouth to eat, we kept getting pushed further and further into the belly of the beast. It appeared that we we all going to end smashed somewhere in the large intestine of that monstrosity...

But,...One thing remained constant,...every time that monster opened its mouth to eat, you could see light out of its mouth for the briefest of seconds...During that brief glance, you could see that there was a diabolical madman at the controls of this beast, and that he alone was controlling how much this thing ate...It was at this time that I decided that i had no choice but to climb past all of the funk, and try to confront that madman before he doomed us all to a much flatter physical state.
I started climbing over and through the funk, trying to make my way out of the mouth of the beast...I needed a weapon so that if I ever got to the point where i could confront the maniac at the controls, I could cold cock the piss out of him, and hopefully gain the upper hand,...I grabbed Jiminy Ratchet,..Now wishing that he was much larger than the 1/4” drive ratchet that he actually was. I slogged and clawed forward, each time getting a better glimpse of the madman obsessed with smashing the three of us into washers.

After about a half hour of painstakingly slow progress, I’m Almost there.....Now within mere feet of dumping out of the mouth of the beast, just waiting on the perfect instant when this mechanical Whale opened its mouth for its next feeding.
The mouth opens,.....I can see dude,...I grab Jiminy Ratchet tightly around his shaft....It was now or never.

At that instant, I was surprised to hear a really loud bang, accompanied by a yellow brown blur as Big Woody hurtled past me. While I was preoccupied with trying to get to the front, I didn’t notice that Jiminy Ratchet, and the Woodman Had rigged up some kind of spring loaded launcher using one of the Janky mattress springs that was hanging out of the Mattress at the rear of the beast...Somehow, Big Woody had loaded himself into one of those compressed springs, and launched himself full force at the maniac controlling the beasts mouth..

I watched in horror as Big Woody hit the steel mouth of the beast, but miraculously ricocheted off at precisely the right angle to flat-blast that crazy bastard controlling this monster machine.

And knocked his ass out.

Me an J.R. roll out....We stagger to our feet, only one of us isn’t getting up. On the ground.....busted all to hell,......was My poor Big Woody.. oozing green goo,....He’s barely clinging to life..


I scoop him all up,...and start the long walk back to my garage....

I bandage him up as best I can,...he gasps,....Calls me Papa, and tells me he’s sorry....and draws his last intake charge in my hands..
20210415_202546.jpg


I break down and drop to my knees,...Sobbing....” Please!, Please! Dont take my Big Woody away from me,..I just wanted him to be a real intercooler,...It’s not his fault, it was too much, too fast,....Ill do whatever, but please,..Don’t take my Big Woody away”....Woody!!Woody!!
I pass out from exhaustion.

The next day I awake,...Big Woody is gone. But in his place...is a real live aluminum Intercooler?.

“ Big Woody?!!! I ask...” Yes papa...only I’m not wooden anymore,... I don’t think you can call me that anymore.
“But, what do I call you now that you’re not made out of wood anymore”?

“I kinda like Aluminadog myself” Old BW said..
“ I’m not Calling you Aluminadog,...How about? “ Chilly”?

“Cool!”...said Aluminadog,......“Cool” I said back. “Now I gotta go back upstairs,...... you gonna be alright?”

“I’ll be right here Papa....waiting on you. And can you please put me in your car so that we can go riding again?”
“Soon enough Chilly....now go to sleep”.

20210415_202800.jpg



The end.
 
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Man,...if i didn’t live through these last couple of days, I wouldn’t believe this story myself.

Once I had my plywood intercooler “ Big Woody” complete, I sent it off to a finishing shop to get it looking as good as it could. I ordinarily don’t pray, but for some reason a couple of nights ago, I felt compelled to do so. It’s my normal stuff though, something like “I hope to Christ this thing works”. I prayed that my wooden intercooler would work as well as a “real live one” would. The next day I packed it up, and sent it off, optimistic that it would come back to me looking great. Just to be sure that he would stay good and tight, I sent an extra measure of security with him..a little thingy that i nicknamed Jiminy Ratchet..

Unbeknownst to me at that time while it was there, Big Woody went astray, led to the dark side by a bunch of really “bad dude” types..A bunch a hoodlum thugs from some street gang called the A2A Cooley Boys. And try as he may, it seemed that Jiminy ratchet couldn’t tighten up big woody enough to keep him on the straight and narrow.
Despite the warnings from JR, he ran away.....Fortunately Jiminy Ratchet had managed by some weird quirk to get himself thrown into a spare parts bag on the truck that Big Woody had hopped into...hoping somehow, someway, he could turn Big Woody’s nuts tight enough to get him back in line.

Quickly things didn’t turn out the way Big Woody had been led to believe, he was forced to perform in some seedy freak show intercooler carnival, Turnin’ tricks cooling off all kinds of blower jobs, at his lowest point, even forced to intercool a flaming hot pink Honda Civic. One day, he catches a break, and With the help of Jiminy Ratchet, they managed to unbolt the locker door that Big Woody was being held captive in.
Barely getting out, They ran away for their lives with The A2A Cooley boys in hot pursuit, Luckily they manage to elude them by hiding in a dumpster. And there they stayed for what seemed like forever.

After Big Woody didn’t come back from the finishing shop, I had to go looking for him. Without a tracking number, or any shred of evidence to even know where to search, I went out day after day looking for my big woody.

I’d yell out “ Big Woody, Big Woody! Has anybody seen my Big Woody?....It seemed that everybody I asked offered no help...most just gave me a disgusted look and quickly walked the other way. One guy even punched me when I asked his wife if she had seen my Big Woody....What was I to do?..I needed my Big Woody.

While making my city wide search one day, I heard the faint sound of steel pounding on steel....a distinct series of short taps, followed by long solid pounds.....I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but it sounded like Morse code...The closer I got, the more I was able to make out the distinct pattern of dots and dashes.....It was an S.O.S.....A call for help. Jiminy Ratchet was pounding out a distress signal on the inside wall of that dumpster with his ratchet head. I climbed up and looked down in,...I couldn’t see them for all the trash, but I could hear them down there... So I jumped in. I found them while diving into that dumpster, and found both of them near death at the bottom of that dumpster. All I knew was that I had to get these two back to the safety of my garage, But it was tougher than anticipated, there are no places inside a dumpster to grab ahold of, and with my Big Woody in one hand, and Jiminy Ratchet in my back pocket, trying to climb out was almost impossible.
And if all of that wasn’t already bad enough,...Just when it looked like I might be able to save all of us,..... We were all eaten by a giant garbage truck.
With a great racket,The beast lifted the dumpster like it was nothing, and tipped it upside down. We tumbled out of the dumpster, along with a sht ton of other garbage, and into the garbage truck,..the things giant jaws just eating up everything that got dumped into it.

I figured we were fcked for sure,....I felt like all was lost.
And to think,.....I was sooo close. If only I coulda stuffed Big Woody into my pants like I did Jiminy Ratchet,...but he was just too damn big.

Let me tell you boys,.....It was dark inside that beast, it smelled like holy hell, and me an Jiminy Ratchet, and Big Woody were cold, and wet, ( covered in some slimy funk that was sloshing around in the bottom of that great steel monster. Big woody was getting all soft and flaccid due to the cold water he had been constantly immersed in, And Jiminy Ratchet was starting to show serious signs of the onset of advanced Oxidation).

Things went from bad to worse, as every time that thing would open its mouth to eat, we kept getting pushed further and further into the belly of the beast. It appeared that we we all going to end smashed somewhere in the large intestine of that monstrosity...

But,...One thing remained constant,...every time that monster opened its mouth to eat, you could see light out of its mouth for the briefest of seconds...During that brief glance, you could see that there was a diabolical madman at the controls of this beast, and that he alone was controlling how much this thing ate...It was at this time that I decided that i had no choice but to climb past all of the funk, and try to confront that madman before he doomed us all to a much flatter physical state.
I started climbing over and through the funk, trying to make my way out of the mouth of the beast...I needed a weapon so that if I ever got to the point where i could confront the maniac at the controls, I could cold cock the piss out of him, and hopefully gain the upper hand,...I grabbed Jiminy Ratchet,..Now wishing that he was much larger than the 1/4” drive ratchet that he actually was. I slogged and clawed forward, each time getting a better glimpse of the madman obsessed with smashing the three of us into washers.

After about a half hour of painstakingly slow progress, I’m Almost there.....Now within mere feet of dumping out of the mouth of the beast, just waiting on the perfect instant when this mechanical Whale opened its mouth for its next feeding.
The mouth opens,.....I can see dude,...I grab Jiminy Ratchet tightly around his shaft....It was now or never.

At that instant, I was surprised to hear a really loud bang, accompanied by a yellow brown blur as Big Woody hurtled past me. While I was preoccupied with trying to get to the front, I didn’t notice that Jiminy Ratchet, and the Woodman Had rigged up some kind of spring loaded launcher using one of the Janky mattress springs that was hanging out of the Mattress at the rear of the beast...Somehow, Big Woody had loaded himself into one of those compressed springs, and launched himself full force at the maniac controlling the beasts mouth..

I watched in horror as Big Woody hit the steel mouth of the beast, but miraculously ricocheted off at precisely the right angle to flat-blast that crazy bastard controlling this monster machine.

And knocked his ass out.

Me an J.R. roll out....We stagger to our feet, only one of us isn’t getting up. On the ground.....busted all to hell,......was My poor Big Woody.. oozing green goo,....He’s barely clinging to life..


I scoop him all up,...and start the long walk back to my garage....

I bandage him up as best I can,...he gasps,....Calls me Papa, and tells me he’s sorry....and draws his last intake charge in my hands..
20210415_202546.jpg


I break down and drop to my knees,...Sobbing....” Please!, Please! Dont take my Big Woody away from me,..I just wanted him to be a real intercooler,...It’s not his fault, it was too much, too fast,....Ill do whatever, but please,..Don’t take my Big Woody away”....Woody!!Woody!!
I pass out from exhaustion.

The next day I awake,...Big Woody is gone. But in his place...is a real live aluminum Intercooler?.

“ Big Woody?!!! I ask...” Yes papa...only I’m not wooden anymore,... I don’t think you can call me that anymore.
“But, what do I call you now that you’re not made out of wood anymore”?

“I kinda like Aluminadog myself” Old BW said..
“ I’m not Calling you Aluminadog,...How about? “ Chilly”?

“Cool!”...said Aluminadog,......“Cool” I said back. “Now I gotta go back upstairs,...... you gonna be alright?”

“I’ll be right here Papa....waiting on you. And can you please put me in your car so that we can go riding again?”
“Soon enough Chilly....now go to sleep”.

20210415_202800.jpg



The end.
I’m no writing critic for sure...... but that was better than the “Food Poisoning in the DR” story from a while back! Good stuff!
 
Man,...if i didn’t live through these last couple of days, I wouldn’t believe this story myself.

Once I had my plywood intercooler “ Big Woody” complete, I sent it off to a finishing shop to get it looking as good as it could. I ordinarily don’t pray, but for some reason a couple of nights ago, I felt compelled to do so. It’s my normal stuff though, something like “I hope to Christ this thing works”. I prayed that my wooden intercooler would work as well as a “real live one” would. The next day I packed it up, and sent it off, optimistic that it would come back to me looking great. Just to be sure that he would stay good and tight, I sent an extra measure of security with him..a little thingy that i nicknamed Jiminy Ratchet..

Unbeknownst to me at that time while it was there, Big Woody went astray, led to the dark side by a bunch of really “bad dude” types..A bunch a hoodlum thugs from some street gang called the A2A Cooley Boys. And try as he may, it seemed that Jiminy ratchet couldn’t tighten up big woody enough to keep him on the straight and narrow.
Despite the warnings from JR, he ran away.....Fortunately Jiminy Ratchet had managed by some weird quirk to get himself thrown into a spare parts bag on the truck that Big Woody had hopped into...hoping somehow, someway, he could turn Big Woody’s nuts tight enough to get him back in line.

Quickly things didn’t turn out the way Big Woody had been led to believe, he was forced to perform in some seedy freak show intercooler carnival, Turnin’ tricks cooling off all kinds of blower jobs, at his lowest point, even forced to intercool a flaming hot pink Honda Civic. One day, he catches a break, and With the help of Jiminy Ratchet, they managed to unbolt the locker door that Big Woody was being held captive in.
Barely getting out, They ran away for their lives with The A2A Cooley boys in hot pursuit, Luckily they manage to elude them by hiding in a dumpster. And there they stayed for what seemed like forever.

After Big Woody didn’t come back from the finishing shop, I had to go looking for him. Without a tracking number, or any shred of evidence to even know where to search, I went out day after day looking for my big woody.

I’d yell out “ Big Woody, Big Woody! Has anybody seen my Big Woody?....It seemed that everybody I asked offered no help...most just gave me a disgusted look and quickly walked the other way. One guy even punched me when I asked his wife if she had seen my Big Woody....What was I to do?..I needed my Big Woody.

While making my city wide search one day, I heard the faint sound of steel pounding on steel....a distinct series of short taps, followed by long solid pounds.....I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but it sounded like Morse code...The closer I got, the more I was able to make out the distinct pattern of dots and dashes.....It was an S.O.S.....A call for help. Jiminy Ratchet was pounding out a distress signal on the inside wall of that dumpster with his ratchet head. I climbed up and looked down in,...I couldn’t see them for all the trash, but I could hear them down there... So I jumped in. I found them while diving into that dumpster, and found both of them near death at the bottom of that dumpster. All I knew was that I had to get these two back to the safety of my garage, But it was tougher than anticipated, there are no places inside a dumpster to grab ahold of, and with my Big Woody in one hand, and Jiminy Ratchet in my back pocket, trying to climb out was almost impossible.
And if all of that wasn’t already bad enough,...Just when it looked like I might be able to save all of us,..... We were all eaten by a giant garbage truck.
With a great racket,The beast lifted the dumpster like it was nothing, and tipped it upside down. We tumbled out of the dumpster, along with a sht ton of other garbage, and into the garbage truck,..the things giant jaws just eating up everything that got dumped into it.

I figured we were fcked for sure,....I felt like all was lost.
And to think,.....I was sooo close. If only I coulda stuffed Big Woody into my pants like I did Jiminy Ratchet,...but he was just too damn big.

Let me tell you boys,.....It was dark inside that beast, it smelled like holy hell, and me an Jiminy Ratchet, and Big Woody were cold, and wet, ( covered in some slimy funk that was sloshing around in the bottom of that great steel monster. Big woody was getting all soft and flaccid due to the cold water he had been constantly immersed in, And Jiminy Ratchet was starting to show serious signs of the onset of advanced Oxidation).

Things went from bad to worse, as every time that thing would open its mouth to eat, we kept getting pushed further and further into the belly of the beast. It appeared that we we all going to end smashed somewhere in the large intestine of that monstrosity...

But,...One thing remained constant,...every time that monster opened its mouth to eat, you could see light out of its mouth for the briefest of seconds...During that brief glance, you could see that there was a diabolical madman at the controls of this beast, and that he alone was controlling how much this thing ate...It was at this time that I decided that i had no choice but to climb past all of the funk, and try to confront that madman before he doomed us all to a much flatter physical state.
I started climbing over and through the funk, trying to make my way out of the mouth of the beast...I needed a weapon so that if I ever got to the point where i could confront the maniac at the controls, I could cold cock the piss out of him, and hopefully gain the upper hand,...I grabbed Jiminy Ratchet,..Now wishing that he was much larger than the 1/4” drive ratchet that he actually was. I slogged and clawed forward, each time getting a better glimpse of the madman obsessed with smashing the three of us into washers.

After about a half hour of painstakingly slow progress, I’m Almost there.....Now within mere feet of dumping out of the mouth of the beast, just waiting on the perfect instant when this mechanical Whale opened its mouth for its next feeding.
The mouth opens,.....I can see dude,...I grab Jiminy Ratchet tightly around his shaft....It was now or never.

At that instant, I was surprised to hear a really loud bang, accompanied by a yellow brown blur as Big Woody hurtled past me. While I was preoccupied with trying to get to the front, I didn’t notice that Jiminy Ratchet, and the Woodman Had rigged up some kind of spring loaded launcher using one of the Janky mattress springs that was hanging out of the Mattress at the rear of the beast...Somehow, Big Woody had loaded himself into one of those compressed springs, and launched himself full force at the maniac controlling the beasts mouth..

I watched in horror as Big Woody hit the steel mouth of the beast, but miraculously ricocheted off at precisely the right angle to flat-blast that crazy bastard controlling this monster machine.

And knocked his ass out.

Me an J.R. roll out....We stagger to our feet, only one of us isn’t getting up. On the ground.....busted all to hell,......was My poor Big Woody.. oozing green goo,....He’s barely clinging to life..


I scoop him all up,...and start the long walk back to my garage....

I bandage him up as best I can,...he gasps,....Calls me Papa, and tells me he’s sorry....and draws his last intake charge in my hands..
20210415_202546.jpg


I break down and drop to my knees,...Sobbing....” Please!, Please! Dont take my Big Woody away from me,..I just wanted him to be a real intercooler,...It’s not his fault, it was too much, too fast,....Ill do whatever, but please,..Don’t take my Big Woody away”....Woody!!Woody!!
I pass out from exhaustion.

The next day I awake,...Big Woody is gone. But in his place...is a real live aluminum Intercooler?.

“ Big Woody?!!! I ask...” Yes papa...only I’m not wooden anymore,... I don’t think you can call me that anymore.
“But, what do I call you now that you’re not made out of wood anymore”?

“I kinda like Aluminadog myself” Old BW said..
“ I’m not Calling you Aluminadog,...How about? “ Chilly”?

“Cool!”...said Aluminadog,......“Cool” I said back. “Now I gotta go back upstairs,...... you gonna be alright?”

“I’ll be right here Papa....waiting on you. And can you please put me in your car so that we can go riding again?”
“Soon enough Chilly....now go to sleep”.

20210415_202800.jpg



The end.
On that note, I think it’s time to head to sleep. I am very lost.
 
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So then,..i’m taking it that you guys didn’t enjoy my spin on Pinocchio then?
Y’all really need to lighten up.

The ultimate story of redemption,.....I kinda thought having a wooden mock-up and having it turn into a real, full blown A2W intercooler with one stumpy little arm, and another stumpy little leg/foot would make for a little light reading.
For the record, there are no plans to convert the Monster over to a full on drag race car, just as the wooden intercooler is really nothing more than a few pieces of plywood glued together to allow me to build the rest of the cold side tubing, and make sure that it would fit where I wanted it to go.

The whole “ full on drag race“ thing was just idle chatter to fill in the void while i waited for the real intercooler to come in.
What a crowd...
 
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So then,..i’m taking it that you guys didn’t enjoy my spin on Pinocchio then?
Y’all really need to lighten up.

The ultimate story of redemption,.....I kinda thought having a wooden mock-up and having it turn into a real, full blown A2W intercooler with one stumpy little arm, and another stumpy little leg/foot would make for a little light reading.
For the record, there are no plans to convert the Monster over to a full on drag race car, just as the wooden intercooler is really nothing more than a few pieces of plywood glued together to allow me to build the rest of the cold side tubing, and make sure that it would fit where I wanted it to go.

The whole “ full on drag race“ thing was just idle chatter to fill in the void while i waited for the real intercooler to come in.
What a crowd...
I figured as much.

My wife kept glancing over and asking "what's so funny?" She read the story as well but did not find the humor in it.
 
I figured as much.

My wife kept glancing over and asking "what's so funny?" She read the story as well but did not find the humor in it.
Now you just gotta know that I think i’m pretty funny some times. As I’m writing that thing there was a couple of places that i was just laughing out loud. Kate asked me what was so damn funny, and I told her nothing that you’d find humor in.

Shes never been a boy which is a good thing I know, but there’s a fair amount of adolescent male humor in that one.