Stumped...Car won't jump

My '07 GT sat parked in my garage for a week without being started. When I went out to start it, it appeared that the battery was dead. I proceeded to put a charger on it overnight, and it only measured 5v in the morning. So I decided I would jump it. With jumper cables attached, the car is still dead. No power whatsoever. I too the battery out of the car and charged it, and it now measures 12v. WTF is going on here? Any ideas?
 
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So did you reinstall the battery after taking it out and charging it? Does the car start normally now?

I have had these cars give me fits when the batteries were dead trying to jump start them. It's because of the design of the battery cable ends - very difficult to get a good connection. I suspect this is the problem you had.
 
I have not put the battery back in yet - I was waiting 24 hours to see if the battery held the charge outside of the car. I will put the battery back in tonight and try it. It is just really perplexing why the car would be stone dead with jumper cbles attached. The cables were attached to the battery cables/connectors, and I put a meter on the battery while connected - it measured a solid 16v. I was thinking that there was a master fuse somewhere that I was missing...that's the only semi-logical explanation I could come up with. I will post once I put the battery back in later today.
 
So I put the charged battery back in and the car started right up. I don't get it. Why will the battery not charge in the car, and why wouldn't the car jump. When charging and jumping, the clamps get attached to the terminal connector. Could the connection between the clamp and the connector be that bad?
 
I had checked the other ends of the cables coming off of the battery, and everything was tight and well-connected. Havin said that, that does indicate that the problem lies with the positive battery connector, since when attempting to jump the car, the negative terminal of the good battery gets connected to ground in the dead car, right?