Guy's Code of Ethics

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#106
At no time will a Guy ever admit to a female (or allow a buddy to admit) the exact number of women he has slept with. This is detrimental to good order and discipline of your life, your buddie's life and Guys worldwide.
 
#107
DMAN302 said:
I once lost a near pound of flesh via crazed purple nurple incident after a poorly thought out response to a "how do I look?" inquiry.
Click to expand...

You Rookie... i can't believe you fell for that!

There "IS" infact a response to this question that works each and every time. When the wife asks:

How do I look?
How does my butt look?
How do I look in this dress?
Does this make my butt look big?
Does this make me look fat?
How does this (enter body part here) look in this?

The sure fire answer that will keep you alive and your wife happy requires ZERO words! All you do is moan softly and (or some other audible expression) and blatently creep towards her making sure she understand that you're moving in to squeeze and/or fondle her woman parts. That's it! If she askes about butt... go for the butt... boobs... etc. The trick is to look hungry like you want what she's talking about.

She'll squeel, run away, and you can go back to your beer and Stangnet.

Potential pitfalls:
Some guys like to embelish and actually utter intelligable words while performing this proceedure. THIS SHOULD NEVER BE ATTEMPTED! Just as soon as you open your mouth, you have the potential to screw it all up and sleep on the sofa.
 
#111
srothfuss said:
I move that Dags "how do I look" standard answer be added as an amendment to the code.
Click to expand...

Official StangNet

Guy Code of Ethics


#1: If your friend turns rice, it is YOUR responsibility to put his new ride out of its misery.

#2: You can NOT make note of a hot chick, milf, or sister without providing visual aid!
Update: All said girls will be compared to mob's girl :)

#3: You may NOT date your best friend's x-girl friend or sister without first getting permission from said friend.

#4: You MUST grant permission to your friend to date, your ex-girl friend if asked but you are not however, obligated to grant those same permissions in regards to your sister or other family members.

#5: *&^%$#@! must only be performed behind locked doors!

#6: Always keep a minimum distance of one urinal between you and anyone else. Never under any circumstances do you ever use a urinal right next to somebody. Either hold it or use a stall. And never check any other mans junk!

#7: When work sends you home early due to power loss or natural gas smell, do not notify the wife / girlfriend of your free time for the day. Spend that time on the couch or working on the car.

Note: If said significant other questions about you being home "early" tell her you just got home a little early

#8: Some things are best left alone. When anonymous calls are placed to the wife about suspicion of "extra marital affairs" do NOT run to the HR department demanding to know how your number fell into co-workers hands. HR will discover the TRUTH in the matter and you will be terminated and sleeping in your car until the divorce is final.

#9: Never let your neighbor borrow your tools. These tools are now his property and you will never see them again

#10: Never tell the wife / girl friend that you are searching for your x-girlfriends on myspace to see what they look like today. (the girls always take this the wrong way - no offense)


#11: Always offer the last beer to the guy that brought them to the party

#12: If you hang out with said wife/girlfriend too much and have your head up her butt 24/7 you will be told to hand over your "dude card"

#13: Absolutely no pink shirts! I don't care what you saw on the Old Navy commercial! (Never admit you have one on stangnet like lxwants12s or bcd )

#14: To get out of laundry duty. Dry her favorite shirt so that it shrinks so it is not wearable. Be careful though, because you might have to take her shopping to replace said shirt... try to avoid shopping duty at all costs!

#15: Just because something isn't broke doesn't mean it doesn't need to be fixed.

#16: Hitting someone in the groin is funny no matter what occasion it is!

#17: Don’t tell her more then once a day that you love her or else every time you hang up the phone and don’t say "I love you too" she will get suspicious.

#18: In no way ever do you say to your woman "wow, your friend ________ looks really good now that she lost some weight" and then forget to say this afterwards "but she still doesn't look as good as you"
…unless of course you like doing a lot of rule #5.

#19: ALWAYS FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE ATTEMPT TO PIITB!

#20: Thou shalt not "upper-decker" in any place of party, unless the party is so dubbed a keggar, or is the home to no one that your friends or group of your own partakers of the party do not know, or do not particularly care for. In case of "upper-decker", be sure to urinate over entire bathroom and employ other possible deceptive methods to conceal evidence of poop from being found in the back of the toilet.

#21: If an acquaintance wakes up from a "passed out" position and does something unruly, such as peeing in a nearby hamper, throwing up on the floor, or some other volatile act involving nudity, do not react. Simply pull out the video camera or digital camera and try to catch guilty party in said act, or if unable, use story as a bargaining chip for the rest of their life.

#22: THOU SHALL NOT SPILL A BEER, EVER. IN THE EVENT THAT THIS OCCURS IT IS YOURS AND ONLY YOUR RESPONSIBLILTY TO REPLACE THE BEER(s) IMMEDIATLY.

#23: Never leave an unfinished beer...under ANY circumstances!

#24: "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the rear
and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

#25: It is always gay to hug other guy except for two exceptions:
1. Your team just won the game
2. His dog/wife/gf/kid just died (in that order) for any other deaths a simple condolence and an offer to go out for drinks is all that is necessary.

#26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
or sky blue.

#27: There "IS" infact a response to this question that works each and every time. When the wife asks:

How do I look?
How does my butt look?
How do I look in this dress?
Does this make my butt look big?
Does this make me look fat?
How does this (enter body part here) look in this?

The sure fire answer that will keep you alive and your wife happy requires ZERO words! All you do is moan softly and (or some other audible expression) and blatently creep towards her making sure she understand that you're moving in to squeeze and/or fondle her woman parts. That's it! If she askes about butt... go for the butt... boobs... etc. The trick is to look hungry like you want what she's talking about.

She'll squeel, run away, and you can go back to your beer and Stangnet.

Potential pitfalls:
Some guys like to embelish and actually utter intelligable words while performing this proceedure. THIS SHOULD NEVER BE ATTEMPTED! Just as soon as you open your mouth, you have the potential to screw it all up and sleep on the sofa.
 
#113
Official StangNet

Guy Code of Ethics updated 12/06/2006


#1: If your friend turns rice, it is YOUR responsibility to put his new ride out of its misery.

#2: You can NOT make note of a hot chick, milf, or sister without providing visual aid!

#3: You may NOT date your best friend's x-girl friend or sister without first getting permission from said friend.

#4: You MUST grant permission to your friend to date, your ex-girl friend if asked but you are not however, obligated to grant those same permissions in regards to your sister or other family members.

#5: *&^%$#@! must only be performed behind locked doors!

#6: Always keep a minimum distance of one urinal between you and anyone else. Never under any circumstances do you ever use a urinal right next to somebody. Either hold it or use a stall. And never check any other mans junk!

#7: When work sends you home early due to power loss or natural gas smell, do not notify the wife / girlfriend of your free time for the day. Spend that time on the couch or working on the car.

Note: If said significant other questions about you being home "early" tell her you just got home a little early

#8: Some things are best left alone. When anonymous calls are placed to the wife about suspicion of "extra marital affairs" do NOT run to the HR department demanding to know how your number fell into co-workers hands. HR will discover the TRUTH in the matter and you will be terminated and sleeping in your car until the divorce is final.

#9: Never let your neighbor borrow your tools. These tools are now his property and you will never see them again

#10: Never tell the wife / girl friend that you are searching for your x-girlfriends on myspace to see what they look like today. (the girls always take this the wrong way - no offense)


#11: Always offer the last beer to the guy that brought them to the party

#12: If you hang out with said wife/girlfriend too much and have your head up her butt 24/7 you will be told to hand over your "dude card"

#13: Absolutely no pink shirts! I don't care what you saw on the Old Navy commercial! (Never admit you have one on stangnet like lxwants12s or bcd )

#14: To get out of laundry duty. Dry her favorite shirt so that it shrinks so it is not wearable. Be careful though, because you might have to take her shopping to replace said shirt... try to avoid shopping duty at all costs!

#15: Just because something isn't broke doesn't mean it doesn't need to be fixed.

#16: Hitting someone in the groin is funny no matter what occasion it is!

#17: Don’t tell her more then once a day that you love her or else every time you hang up the phone and don’t say "I love you too" she will get suspicious.

#18: In no way ever do you say to your woman "wow, your friend ________ looks really good now that she lost some weight" and then forget to say this afterwards "but she still doesn't look as good as you"
…unless of course you like doing a lot of rule #5.

#19: ALWAYS FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE ATTEMPT TO PIITB!

#20: Thou shalt not "upper-decker" in any place of party, unless the party is so dubbed a keggar, or is the home to no one that your friends or group of your own partakers of the party do not know, or do not particularly care for. In case of "upper-decker", be sure to urinate over entire bathroom and employ other possible deceptive methods to conceal evidence of poop from being found in the back of the toilet.

#21: If an acquaintance wakes up from a "passed out" position and does something unruly, such as peeing in a nearby hamper, throwing up on the floor, or some other volatile act involving nudity, do not react. Simply pull out the video camera or digital camera and try to catch guilty party in said act, or if unable, use story as a bargaining chip for the rest of their life.

#22: THOU SHALL NOT SPILL A BEER, EVER. IN THE EVENT THAT THIS OCCURS IT IS YOURS AND ONLY YOUR RESPONSIBLILTY TO REPLACE THE BEER(s) IMMEDIATLY.

#23: Never leave an unfinished beer...under ANY circumstances!

#24: "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the rear
and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

#25: It is always gay to hug other guy except for two exceptions:
1. Your team just won the game
2. His dog/wife/gf/kid just died (in that order) for any other deaths a simple condolence and an offer to go out for drinks is all that is necessary.

#26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
or sky blue.

#27: There "IS" infact a response to this question that works each and every time. When the wife asks:

How do I look?
How does my butt look?
How do I look in this dress?
Does this make my butt look big?
Does this make me look fat?
How does this (enter body part here) look in this?

The sure fire answer that will keep you alive and your wife happy requires ZERO words! All you do is moan softly and (or some other audible expression) and blatently creep towards her making sure she understand that you're moving in to squeeze and/or fondle her woman parts. That's it! If she askes about butt... go for the butt... boobs... etc. The trick is to look hungry like you want what she's talking about.

She'll squeel, run away, and you can go back to your beer and Stangnet.

Potential pitfalls:
Some guys like to embelish and actually utter intelligable words while performing this proceedure. THIS SHOULD NEVER BE ATTEMPTED! Just as soon as you open your mouth, you have the potential to screw it all up and sleep on the sofa.

#28: Thou shalt never slander another man's cheesecake... Ever!
 
#116
90mustang_GT5.0 said:
what about 29, farBD's quote on daggar, thou shall not steal another mans dress ?
Click to expand...

On it! Of course Daggar must give these the final say, but since one of them is his quote hehehe








Official StangNet

Guy Code of Ethics updated 12/06/2006


#1: If your friend turns rice, it is YOUR responsibility to put his new ride out of its misery.

#2: You can NOT make note of a hot chick, milf, or sister without providing visual aid!

#3: You may NOT date your best friend's x-girl friend or sister without first getting permission from said friend.

#4: You MUST grant permission to your friend to date, your ex-girl friend if asked but you are not however, obligated to grant those same permissions in regards to your sister or other family members.

#5: *&^%$#@! must only be performed behind locked doors!

#6: Always keep a minimum distance of one urinal between you and anyone else. Never under any circumstances do you ever use a urinal right next to somebody. Either hold it or use a stall. And never check any other mans junk!

#7: When work sends you home early due to power loss or natural gas smell, do not notify the wife / girlfriend of your free time for the day. Spend that time on the couch or working on the car.

Note: If said significant other questions about you being home "early" tell her you just got home a little early

#8: Some things are best left alone. When anonymous calls are placed to the wife about suspicion of "extra marital affairs" do NOT run to the HR department demanding to know how your number fell into co-workers hands. HR will discover the TRUTH in the matter and you will be terminated and sleeping in your car until the divorce is final.

#9: Never let your neighbor borrow your tools. These tools are now his property and you will never see them again

#10: Never tell the wife / girl friend that you are searching for your x-girlfriends on myspace to see what they look like today. (the girls always take this the wrong way - no offense)


#11: Always offer the last beer to the guy that brought them to the party

#12: If you hang out with said wife/girlfriend too much and have your head up her butt 24/7 you will be told to hand over your "dude card"

#13: Absolutely no pink shirts! I don't care what you saw on the Old Navy commercial! (Never admit you have one on stangnet like lxwants12s or bcd )

#14: To get out of laundry duty. Dry her favorite shirt so that it shrinks so it is not wearable. Be careful though, because you might have to take her shopping to replace said shirt... try to avoid shopping duty at all costs!

#15: Just because something isn't broke doesn't mean it doesn't need to be fixed.

#16: Hitting someone in the groin is funny no matter what occasion it is!

#17: Don’t tell her more then once a day that you love her or else every time you hang up the phone and don’t say "I love you too" she will get suspicious.

#18: In no way ever do you say to your woman "wow, your friend ________ looks really good now that she lost some weight" and then forget to say this afterwards "but she still doesn't look as good as you"
…unless of course you like doing a lot of rule #5.

#19: ALWAYS FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE ATTEMPT TO PIITB!

#20: Thou shalt not "upper-decker" in any place of party, unless the party is so dubbed a keggar, or is the home to no one that your friends or group of your own partakers of the party do not know, or do not particularly care for. In case of "upper-decker", be sure to urinate over entire bathroom and employ other possible deceptive methods to conceal evidence of poop from being found in the back of the toilet.

#21: If an acquaintance wakes up from a "passed out" position and does something unruly, such as peeing in a nearby hamper, throwing up on the floor, or some other volatile act involving nudity, do not react. Simply pull out the video camera or digital camera and try to catch guilty party in said act, or if unable, use story as a bargaining chip for the rest of their life.

#22: THOU SHALL NOT SPILL A BEER, EVER. IN THE EVENT THAT THIS OCCURS IT IS YOURS AND ONLY YOUR RESPONSIBLILTY TO REPLACE THE BEER(s) IMMEDIATLY.

#23: Never leave an unfinished beer...under ANY circumstances!

#24: "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the rear
and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

#25: It is always gay to hug other guy except for two exceptions:
1. Your team just won the game
2. His dog/wife/gf/kid just died (in that order) for any other deaths a simple condolence and an offer to go out for drinks is all that is necessary.

#26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
or sky blue.

#27: There "IS" infact a response to this question that works each and every time. When the wife asks:

How do I look?
How does my butt look?
How do I look in this dress?
Does this make my butt look big?
Does this make me look fat?
How does this (enter body part here) look in this?

The sure fire answer that will keep you alive and your wife happy requires ZERO words! All you do is moan softly and (or some other audible expression) and blatently creep towards her making sure she understand that you're moving in to squeeze and/or fondle her woman parts. That's it! If she askes about butt... go for the butt... boobs... etc. The trick is to look hungry like you want what she's talking about.

She'll squeel, run away, and you can go back to your beer and Stangnet.

Potential pitfalls:
Some guys like to embelish and actually utter intelligable words while performing this proceedure. THIS SHOULD NEVER BE ATTEMPTED! Just as soon as you open your mouth, you have the potential to screw it all up and sleep on the sofa.

#28: Thou shalt never slander another man's cheesecake... Ever!

#29: Thou shalt never steal thy neighbor man's dress. Even if it is your size.
 
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