One of my BEST Spontaneous Burns EVER! **warning, contains language**

[Caldwell]

All right, I'm sorry but I HAD to share this with you guys.
I don't know what got into me, but I didn't let anything go because the guy rubbed me the wrong way.

Let me set the scene quickly...

I'm at work, it's my day off and I'm sportin some nice shorts and an athletic shirt. I work at an office building and I parked right out front because I was just running inside for a quick second.
As I walk out, I bump into 3 girls I know from just working there and we start chatting...

So, out walks this guy, he's in a suit sans jacket and he walks past us (I don't know who he is but one of the girls did). As he's walking by and saying hello to one of the girls, he beeps his car to unlock the door... and behold it's like a 2005 Honda Accord, 6 cylinder... mid 14 second car.

So the guy stops, and just as he makes his way to his car he looks at mine (it's all shiny and clean) and he goes
"wow, really nice car... this a '95?" (so apparently he knows a bit about stangs)
and i said "close, a '94 actually"
so the guy IMMEDIATELY says "ohh, okay yeah... still with the 5.0... those things are pretty ****in slow though, my accord would spank you"

so of course at this time, my mind is racing, and i have a smile on my face.
so i said
"that's your accord huh? v6 i take it"

he says "you got it" (or something to that nature)

so i immediately respond "i figured... well yeah your car's pretty quick, for an ugly piece of ****..."

he snaps "ugly?!"

I then cut him off finishing with "and not everything's about speed. You seem like the type of guy who brags about his penis and then cums 5 seconds into having sex. See, speed, ruins you.
Me on the other hand, would much rather have a nice sized c0ck, that looks gorgeous and can last forever, wouldn't you agree?"

And of course, the guy turns away, and looks at the 3 girls whose mouths are literally hitting the floor...
a dead silence hits the air and i'm grinning from ear to ear.

I was a bit surprised, but the guy didn't even say good bye, he turned away, and sped off in his lil' accord.

I felt like king of the planet for about 2 minutes.

 

[urban96]

LOL nice

 

[timeless2]

 

[stprorolla49]

hahahaah thats great man!! i hate hondas...and dumbasses....

 

[ProKiller]

i don't know where you work but wow...HR nightmare!

 

[Caldwell]

i don't know where you work but wow...HR nightmare!

Hahhah! I thought of that afterwards too...
I guess the phrase "he started it" probably wouldn't help me out huh?

He hammered it out of the parking lot pretty hard, so just judging by his personality there, I'm not too concerned.

 

[The Green GT]

Those accords arent THAT fast. My buddy has a 2-door V6, brand new, we were neck and neck. And now that I have my underdrives, I could prolly take him by a hair.

 

[1TallMF]

HAHAHA thats awsome! He deserved it.

Some idiot at the parts store tried to convince me that my 302 was really a 281 (4.6) and ford just labeled it as a 5.0L. I cannot associate with idiots of that magnitude. No words could have described what I thought of this guy. Then he goes on about how he simply swapped cams in his stock pos Satrun Wagon and made 300 hp at the wheels.

I just turned around and left while he was talking. I was destroying precious brain cells by being in this retard's presence.

 

[Mustangless]

maybe you should have smacked him in the face too

 

[drakesdad]

It was his fault for trying to pimp the original "pimp".....way to go Doug...and if HR calls...........three rules...
1. Deny everything
2. Admit nothing
3. Demand proof.....


Will

 

[Iggyshane]

hah you remind me of myself ... the other week for mothers day my brother and i went shopping for flowers for her. i guess my mom likes pernals?sp? so my brother asked the guy about them he reply's " Do you mean pansy's?" as soon as he finished i said” “No, we have enough pansy's” and patted my brother on his back. Just the look on there faces was priceless

Edit* Does anyone else wish they could quote things they say when making fun of people?

 

[gcomfx.com]

I don't get it..... I would have just said let's race. When he backed of, just say "typical ricer".... no worrying about your job. No upsetting the ladies with vulgar talk. But that's just me.

Our hottie secretary here at work was talking smack on my car when I pulled up. Her husband has a nice looking camaro. She was showing off to all her friends by saying how slow my car was. I laughed, " said I have my keys in my hand, let's go!" She got embarrassed, and backed down. Her friends laughed at HER not me.

Same thing with our CEO. Guess he bought a late model vette and was braggin' to a friend of mine, IT Director here about how he had the fastest car in the company, during some big meeting. My friend laughed and said, no you don't. That nice red ford out there has a bottle in the trunk that says otherwise.

He boasted he would still win. So my friend offered to pay for the test n tune night just to see the race. Then added he would video tape it for ME, so I could add it to my collection of vette spanking.

Again the tables were turned.... the guy never even DROVE the car to work again. I never got to see it. :rotf:

 

[fgtmustang95]

Pretty nice comeback caldwell. Those girls mouths probably fell when you mentioned your gorgeous c0ck lol... My dad has a 2002 Accord. Its a 3.0 VTEC but theres nothing special about it speedwise. I dont notice a difference between my car and his.

 

[91LX_5L]

hahahaahha thats friggin awesome man!! lol you da man!

 

[Caldwell]

LOL

it's good to hear a lot of you guys are havin fun
i almost lost it after reading Iggyshane and gcomfx.com posts... omg,
that's awesome

but it's true, a lot of people flap gums, but it's interesting because it always seems to be the OTHER guy, almost expecting no response back?

come on, rude comments warrant return fire.

I'm not too worried about HR
I really haven't given it too much thought, but I'm likin the deny method.

 

[WhiteStallionGT]

LMAO that was hilarious.

You should join that show "Yo Mamma" on MTV.

 

[WhiteDevil]

My mom has an 02 V6 (200hp) and that damn piece ran 16.10s or something at the track. I would think even the new ones would be hard pressed to break a mid 15 even with only 40 more hp.

 

[The Green GT]

I cant believe noone posted this yet.

 

[Caldwell]

I cant believe noone posted this yet.

ROFL

i was also actually

Yo MAMMA!

well, see you're all spot on, chances are 9 times out of 10
i'd beat him hands down. but then you get into the discussion of, i have this... my car does that... blah blah blah

and the point would have lost itself...
at least this way i was able to bring it down to a level, where my audience was able to appreciate a good burn

 

[95riosnake]

nice burn lol

mid 14's seems a bit fast for an 05 Accord V6...I could be wrong but every stock accord I have ever been in was pretty lame speed-wise (my friend has an 05 V6, granted its auto, but she can't drive stick lol....regardless, I dont think a 5spd would pick enough hp to make it a mid 14 car )

in the end, that tool probably went home and cried for a bit then called up his mechanic to confirm his appointment for an oil change and tire pressure check, then hopped on eBay to drop 50 bucks or so on some sweet mods to show you who's boss next time, you big bully