I wrote this back in 1998 for a website (can't even remember it now). You may wonder why the Yugo, Chevette, etc. are not on here. That is because several people submitted a list for the website and everyone had them on there. I chose a different route. Just found this on my old PC and thought I would post it.
My Top 10 List-Worst Cars of The Millenium
By: Joe Pisciotta, Jr.
Number 10-Plymouth Duster (1971-76)
My Dad owned a 1971 Canary Yellow Duster with an inline six cylinder (A.K.A.-Big Bird). It was the envy of the block. I woke up
extra early for school so I wouldn’t miss the bus. Remember the movie “Uncle Buck”? The car would run for 6 minutes after the key was pulled out. But
hey, didn’t all of Chrysler’s cars do that back then? It had one of the best backfire sounds I have ever heard. It would have people running for cover.
One day on the turnpike off ramp my door swung open for no reason at 45MPH and I just about fell out. Thank You Plymouth for a safe well-made vehicle.
Number 9-Chevy Citation (1981-85)
Just like the name says “Citation.” Except you probably didn’t get a speeding citation. Top speed was maybe 75 MPH with the wind. However if there were citations given for “One ugly vehicle” all the owners of this bad boy would get one. It came in your choice of 4 or 6 cylinders. Imagine the
salesman’s face as you lay down the extra cash ($3) for the V-6. Oh, for you race car drivers, you could also order up a 4 speed manual (Oooh!). Thankfully, the dream ended in 1985. The Chevette was getting popular.
Number 8-Ford Pinto (1971-80)
The term “Car Bomb” was invented from the Pinto. The evening news
use to be littered with stories about Pinto’s exploding. Why did these
people get back into their cars? Even the bumper sticker market capitalized
on the Pinto. Remember this one-“Hit me and we blow up together”
It’s no wonder Lee Iacocca left Ford and ran to Chrysler. I don’t know who’s
uglier, Carrot Top or the Pinto. That’s a close pole. It had weedwacker
power and shoe box lines. How did it last 9 years? I doubt “Starsky and Hutch” could have saved it in their show back then. But, I would love to have seen one with the red paint and white stripe. Ford killed the Pinto in the late 80’s (Thank God!). The Vega out sold it.
Number 7-Suzuki Swift (1989-98)
I had the fortunate pleasure of renting one these in the Bahamas.
It had all the bells and whistles. Came with 11 inch bicycle tires,
droopy headliner (standard option) and 1.0 liter engine. As we headed up
the bridge into Nassau with the engine floored a mother walked
by us pushing a baby carriage. As I got close to the top my Swift
ran out of power. The car actually started to role backwards.
My colleague jumped out and pushed the rest of the way up. Finally
at the top it was time to descend down. On the way down
the brakes were gone. With my foot to the floor and my friend
pulling on the emergency brake it finally came to stop. Note to self-
Spring for a mid-size next time.
Number 6-Peugeot 505 (1980-86)
Cheap was an understatement. They tried to make it look like a BMW (poor job). I think all the parts were donated scrap from other car companies. My
friend’s parents actually bought one brand new. Eight months later the paint faded, the interior was totally shot and the tranny was slipping. The warranty did not cover any of this. I don’t even think they had Peugeot mechanics at the time. Out of spite they never had it re-painted or fixed. A few months later it was for sale. Not one person called. They tried trading it in on a Volkswagen. The Dealer told them straight out “Not on your life”. I haven’t seen one since.
Number 5-Chevy Monte Carlo SS (Super Sport) (1984-88)
Dubbed as the Monte Carlo Super Slow. This over priced dressed up
Monte was doomed from the start. With a 305 motor and heavy weight
this car couldn’t beat a Chevy Citation (see number 9) with the optional 4 speed. What was really embarrassing is you could buy an IROC-Z Camaro
for a lot less which went much faster. That’s if the Italian’s hadn’t
bought them all up yet. The reason it lasted so long was Dale
Earnhardt was driving one in NASCAR. Oh lets not forget the limited
number SS’s with that NASCAR bubble rear window. Don’t even get me
started on that thing. Finally Chevy cancelled the Super Suck in 1988
along with the Chevette. Amen!
Number 4-Chrysler LeBaron GTC (1988-91)
Chrysler and Maserati teamed up to bring you the LeBaron GTC.
Yes folks that’s right a LeBaron. This wasn’t your ordinary LeBaron.
It was a LeBaron shell with Maserati designed motor and suspension.
What was the goal here? It wasn’t fast. It wasn’t pretty. It was a
LeBaron. I think GTC stood for “Good Till Cancelled” and that is
what they did in 91. Has Maserati done anything else since?
I would think not after this debacle.
Number 3-Cadillac Allante (1987-93)
Caddy tried to attract a younger crowd with the Allante convertible.
Did they forget Caddy buyers are blue haired ladies and old men with
comb overs. Didn’t they learn from the Cimmaron? Obviously not as
the Allante lasted for six years. Here are the types of letters GM was getting back then. Dear GM, I am 93 years old, 78 pounds and owner of an Allante. I wanted a DeVille but the salesman talked me out of it. He told me this car would bring back my youth. Well after 6 months of ownership I can’t see over the dash and I am unable to get the top down. Plus I can’t get any of the shuffle board chicks with it. Could I get a full refund?
Number 2-Suzuki Samurai (1984-88)
Ah, the original flipper. Suzuki did their homework on this thing.
Try not to jerk the wheel at 45MPH or you will roll literally. I can’t see
how this car ever made it. Unsafe, tiny and slow, what were they
trying to compete with? The Subaru Brat? That thing lasted from 1983-84.
The Samurai by far was one of the ugliest things on the road.
Each buyer of the Samurai should get a good beat down. That’s if
they survived the roll over.
THE WINNER
Number 1-Renault Alliance (1983-87)
My uncle was the proud owner of one of these. One day he was at an
ATM machine and left the car running 15ft away. Somebody actually
jumped in it and stole the car. Who steals a Renault? Did the thief
actually think he could get good money for Renault parts on the black market? It had a 1.4 liter engine. My Honda pressure cleaner has more power. As luck would have it my uncle’s car was never recovered. We convinced him into buying something else. Renault had other plans too. The Fuego was starting to sell like crazy.
My Top 10 List-Worst Cars of The Millenium
By: Joe Pisciotta, Jr.
Number 10-Plymouth Duster (1971-76)
My Dad owned a 1971 Canary Yellow Duster with an inline six cylinder (A.K.A.-Big Bird). It was the envy of the block. I woke up
extra early for school so I wouldn’t miss the bus. Remember the movie “Uncle Buck”? The car would run for 6 minutes after the key was pulled out. But
hey, didn’t all of Chrysler’s cars do that back then? It had one of the best backfire sounds I have ever heard. It would have people running for cover.
One day on the turnpike off ramp my door swung open for no reason at 45MPH and I just about fell out. Thank You Plymouth for a safe well-made vehicle.
Number 9-Chevy Citation (1981-85)
Just like the name says “Citation.” Except you probably didn’t get a speeding citation. Top speed was maybe 75 MPH with the wind. However if there were citations given for “One ugly vehicle” all the owners of this bad boy would get one. It came in your choice of 4 or 6 cylinders. Imagine the
salesman’s face as you lay down the extra cash ($3) for the V-6. Oh, for you race car drivers, you could also order up a 4 speed manual (Oooh!). Thankfully, the dream ended in 1985. The Chevette was getting popular.
Number 8-Ford Pinto (1971-80)
The term “Car Bomb” was invented from the Pinto. The evening news
use to be littered with stories about Pinto’s exploding. Why did these
people get back into their cars? Even the bumper sticker market capitalized
on the Pinto. Remember this one-“Hit me and we blow up together”
It’s no wonder Lee Iacocca left Ford and ran to Chrysler. I don’t know who’s
uglier, Carrot Top or the Pinto. That’s a close pole. It had weedwacker
power and shoe box lines. How did it last 9 years? I doubt “Starsky and Hutch” could have saved it in their show back then. But, I would love to have seen one with the red paint and white stripe. Ford killed the Pinto in the late 80’s (Thank God!). The Vega out sold it.
Number 7-Suzuki Swift (1989-98)
I had the fortunate pleasure of renting one these in the Bahamas.
It had all the bells and whistles. Came with 11 inch bicycle tires,
droopy headliner (standard option) and 1.0 liter engine. As we headed up
the bridge into Nassau with the engine floored a mother walked
by us pushing a baby carriage. As I got close to the top my Swift
ran out of power. The car actually started to role backwards.
My colleague jumped out and pushed the rest of the way up. Finally
at the top it was time to descend down. On the way down
the brakes were gone. With my foot to the floor and my friend
pulling on the emergency brake it finally came to stop. Note to self-
Spring for a mid-size next time.
Number 6-Peugeot 505 (1980-86)
Cheap was an understatement. They tried to make it look like a BMW (poor job). I think all the parts were donated scrap from other car companies. My
friend’s parents actually bought one brand new. Eight months later the paint faded, the interior was totally shot and the tranny was slipping. The warranty did not cover any of this. I don’t even think they had Peugeot mechanics at the time. Out of spite they never had it re-painted or fixed. A few months later it was for sale. Not one person called. They tried trading it in on a Volkswagen. The Dealer told them straight out “Not on your life”. I haven’t seen one since.
Number 5-Chevy Monte Carlo SS (Super Sport) (1984-88)
Dubbed as the Monte Carlo Super Slow. This over priced dressed up
Monte was doomed from the start. With a 305 motor and heavy weight
this car couldn’t beat a Chevy Citation (see number 9) with the optional 4 speed. What was really embarrassing is you could buy an IROC-Z Camaro
for a lot less which went much faster. That’s if the Italian’s hadn’t
bought them all up yet. The reason it lasted so long was Dale
Earnhardt was driving one in NASCAR. Oh lets not forget the limited
number SS’s with that NASCAR bubble rear window. Don’t even get me
started on that thing. Finally Chevy cancelled the Super Suck in 1988
along with the Chevette. Amen!
Number 4-Chrysler LeBaron GTC (1988-91)
Chrysler and Maserati teamed up to bring you the LeBaron GTC.
Yes folks that’s right a LeBaron. This wasn’t your ordinary LeBaron.
It was a LeBaron shell with Maserati designed motor and suspension.
What was the goal here? It wasn’t fast. It wasn’t pretty. It was a
LeBaron. I think GTC stood for “Good Till Cancelled” and that is
what they did in 91. Has Maserati done anything else since?
I would think not after this debacle.
Number 3-Cadillac Allante (1987-93)
Caddy tried to attract a younger crowd with the Allante convertible.
Did they forget Caddy buyers are blue haired ladies and old men with
comb overs. Didn’t they learn from the Cimmaron? Obviously not as
the Allante lasted for six years. Here are the types of letters GM was getting back then. Dear GM, I am 93 years old, 78 pounds and owner of an Allante. I wanted a DeVille but the salesman talked me out of it. He told me this car would bring back my youth. Well after 6 months of ownership I can’t see over the dash and I am unable to get the top down. Plus I can’t get any of the shuffle board chicks with it. Could I get a full refund?
Number 2-Suzuki Samurai (1984-88)
Ah, the original flipper. Suzuki did their homework on this thing.
Try not to jerk the wheel at 45MPH or you will roll literally. I can’t see
how this car ever made it. Unsafe, tiny and slow, what were they
trying to compete with? The Subaru Brat? That thing lasted from 1983-84.
The Samurai by far was one of the ugliest things on the road.
Each buyer of the Samurai should get a good beat down. That’s if
they survived the roll over.
THE WINNER
Number 1-Renault Alliance (1983-87)
My uncle was the proud owner of one of these. One day he was at an
ATM machine and left the car running 15ft away. Somebody actually
jumped in it and stole the car. Who steals a Renault? Did the thief
actually think he could get good money for Renault parts on the black market? It had a 1.4 liter engine. My Honda pressure cleaner has more power. As luck would have it my uncle’s car was never recovered. We convinced him into buying something else. Renault had other plans too. The Fuego was starting to sell like crazy.
. Motor loved to revv and it took out a few stangs (5.0) with ease.
