Alright, I got a sick one for you...
A bum staggers into a bar. He's clearly drunk off his arse, and has a crazed look in his eyes. They finally focus on the bartender, and he plops himself down on a barstool. The bum manages to slurr out, "...Gimme a drink."
The bartender sighs. "You got any money, brother?"
"Nnnnnnope. Gimme a drink."
"Can't give you a drink unless you got cash."
The bum opens his eyes wide, and begins to panic. "I gotta have a drink! Just one!"
The bartender purses his lips, getting quite annoyed. "No cash, no drink."
The bum stands up and reaches for the bartender, who smartly stays out of reach. "B-but, I just gotta have a drink! I gotta! Oh please, I'll do anything!"
The bum's antics is getting the attention of the other people in the bar. Noticing this, the bartender gets an idea. "Anything, really? You'll really do anything just to get one drink?"
The bum nods excitedly. "Uh-huh."
More of the bar's patrons have turned to watch the scene unfolding at the bar. Noticing this, the bartender lets loose a brief smile before answering the bum. "OK. I'll give you all the drinks you can drink, if you can take one sip out of that spitoon over there." He points over to the end of the bar, where the brass spitoon sits.
All eyes turn to the bum. His head wobbles as he moves, looking over at the end of the bar. He staggers over towards where the spitoon sits. Behind his back, people are watching his every move. Some are whispering amongst themselves. Others exchange cash, betting on whether the bum will actually do it. But as the bum reaches the end of the bar, the entire room goes quiet. All are wondering, will he do it?
The bum picks up the spitoon in his shaking hands. He looks down into the mix of tobacco juice and cigarette butts, staring deeply as if making up his mind. He's not sure, but he thinks he sees something floating just under the surface. Something big, something...chunky.
The bum puts the spitoon to his lips, and takes a sip. Suddenly, he tilts the spitoon up, spilling tobacco juice all over himself and chugs the whole thing down!
People start vomiting all over the place. On the floor, on the tables, on the bar and on themselves. The bartender looks horrified at the mess - this is NOT what he expected! He shouts at the bum, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!? YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE ONE SIP!"
The bum looks over, and wipes his messy chin off on his sleeve before answering. "Yeah, but it was all in one string."
Top that, ya bastigeses!
A bum staggers into a bar. He's clearly drunk off his arse, and has a crazed look in his eyes. They finally focus on the bartender, and he plops himself down on a barstool. The bum manages to slurr out, "...Gimme a drink."
The bartender sighs. "You got any money, brother?"
"Nnnnnnope. Gimme a drink."
"Can't give you a drink unless you got cash."
The bum opens his eyes wide, and begins to panic. "I gotta have a drink! Just one!"
The bartender purses his lips, getting quite annoyed. "No cash, no drink."
The bum stands up and reaches for the bartender, who smartly stays out of reach. "B-but, I just gotta have a drink! I gotta! Oh please, I'll do anything!"
The bum's antics is getting the attention of the other people in the bar. Noticing this, the bartender gets an idea. "Anything, really? You'll really do anything just to get one drink?"
The bum nods excitedly. "Uh-huh."
More of the bar's patrons have turned to watch the scene unfolding at the bar. Noticing this, the bartender lets loose a brief smile before answering the bum. "OK. I'll give you all the drinks you can drink, if you can take one sip out of that spitoon over there." He points over to the end of the bar, where the brass spitoon sits.
All eyes turn to the bum. His head wobbles as he moves, looking over at the end of the bar. He staggers over towards where the spitoon sits. Behind his back, people are watching his every move. Some are whispering amongst themselves. Others exchange cash, betting on whether the bum will actually do it. But as the bum reaches the end of the bar, the entire room goes quiet. All are wondering, will he do it?
The bum picks up the spitoon in his shaking hands. He looks down into the mix of tobacco juice and cigarette butts, staring deeply as if making up his mind. He's not sure, but he thinks he sees something floating just under the surface. Something big, something...chunky.
The bum puts the spitoon to his lips, and takes a sip. Suddenly, he tilts the spitoon up, spilling tobacco juice all over himself and chugs the whole thing down!
People start vomiting all over the place. On the floor, on the tables, on the bar and on themselves. The bartender looks horrified at the mess - this is NOT what he expected! He shouts at the bum, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!? YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE ONE SIP!"
The bum looks over, and wipes his messy chin off on his sleeve before answering. "Yeah, but it was all in one string."
Top that, ya bastigeses!