Status Kill - October 12, 2011 - 11:38 AM
Today I decided to shop for pretentious pipes and monocles rather than work. I was reluctant to drive my cabriolet sans rich man's Tommy Bahama hat, but it was a fine day laden with peasants so I went for it.
I drove, top down, WHITE Maltese visible, all the way to the mall. Jack-Bo in hand I approached the doors of Macy's with the upmost confidence.
As I approached the door I came upon a potentially blind person (not sure of gender) holding the leash to what appeared to be a golden retriever, pug, sloth, street hound mix. Instinctively Jack-Bo put on her "cute face". To my surprise the blind vagrant with the hobo dog could see! It made eye contact first with myself, then Jack-Bo. I could see it wince in pain at the glorious sight of Jack-Bo's perfect, female, status laden face.
Killed.
Over the next few hours I hit up three sunglasses stores as well as one pipe retailer. Didn't find anything of worthy prestige.
I decided that it was best to shop online as there are few stores in Kentucky capable of accommodating a rich cabriolet owner's needs. As I came upon my cabriolet, silky top in place, I noticed out of the corner of my eye the poor lesser dog owner.
As she approached her old time, rusted, cassette era coupe I saw her eyes stop upon my cabriolet. She exclaimed, "Nice mustang cabriolet"! I replied, "Hey there, I like your thing too".
She sat down in the aluminum minor league baseball grade seats in her Camaro, I sat down in the luxurious leather seats of my Mustang cabriolet. As she drove off I began the retraction sequence of my silky cabriolet top. I could see her head turned in a 180 degree angle, watching in amazement at my power folding top. As I pulled off I nodded in her direction. I'm not sure if she noticed my wink, but I could tell she was broken by jealousy.
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Ouch!